Post by beefbrainmchitfist on Oct 24, 2004 21:09:00 GMT -5
Evil Ash para presidente
"Can't beat 'em? JOIN US!"
WAR ON TERROR- EA: First things first, I'd reinstate MY kind of draft and send every son of a bitch that ever died in battle overseas and hell whereever else I feel like while I'm at it. Once that business is taken care of I'll start my own reign of terror under my own malevolent hand! We'd soon find ourselves much stronger millitarily I assure you.
ABORTION- EA: As future ruler of the new dead world, I promise to see to it that every miserable sack of flesh brought into this world is put out of their misery and into my servitude before they have a moment of cognit-ACKH . . . cognit-ACKH . . . . cognitive thought.
EDUCATION- EA: I'll put an end to "institutions of knowledge' and put a copy of MY book in the hands of my subjects. Abridged of course, can't have everyone knowing all my fun secrets.
BOOMSTICK CONTROL- EA: OOOOHH! OOOOOHHH! How I hate those things with a passion; nothing but sheer trouble. Plus they don't do a thing for my complexion, they've gotta go!
HEALTH CARE- EA: Health care? HEALTH CARE??!!?? Who do you think you're kidding? You're all gonna be fucking dead!
"I'm Evil Ash and I approve this message"
*paid for by commitee to elect Evil Ash for supreme ruler of all
Thanks to everyone that competed! I hope to ressurect this contest in the future when there are more members, but I am very happy with the participation: There's about 6 of you, one is away on leave so to speak, putting us at over 50% participation for the contest! Yay!
As promised, I will open a poll to see who the crowd favourite was, official winner will be announced Halloween (that is when I said I'd do that, right?). Also as promised, I'm still going to post my attempt, hopefully tonight if I don't crash on the kboard - sorry I've been so lame about posting that like I said I would. Thanks again!!
Cthulu will be your leader; there is no escape. The following are parts of an interview transcribed before the interviewer and stenographer were claimed by Dagon.
..."Bob Thornton, Fishflake Times. What is your plan for foreign policy?"
CTHULU:" All will fall before me! The Deep Ones will mix among their people, and all the offspring of their blood will ultimately return to the sea. Opposition will cease as the force of the Deep Ones grows stronger. Those not of their blood will be met at the hands of sacrifice - this is the way of the ancient years and the Great Old Ones, and the way it shall be."
BT: "Umm.. yeah. So what's your take on unemployment?"
CTHULU: "Employment is unnecessary. The human race will be our fodder and breeding stock; maintaining the lineage of the Deep Ones, descendants of the Great Old Ones, should be their only concern."
BT: "Isn't that a bit much, expecting people to vote for you in expectation of a life like that? I mean, where's the bene - YAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGhhhh!!!! Aw GAWWD nuh nuh yaaaaaaaaacCHHHKKKK!!!! "
(After a period of feedback and unidentifiable screams and noises, the tape continues)
CTHULU: ".... propose relocating the Capitol to Arkham, while Innsmouth will be the central point of interaction with the Deep Ones. A series of canals will rival the Eisenhower Interstate system to facilitate the Deep Ones' finding of each and every one of you in order to exact their purposes."
BT: "(cough) NGh thmmpth nnpthnnnaghh...."
CTHULU: "Nevermind what that foolish mortal, Lovecraft, told you. My opponent is filled with dirty dreamings and distortions. Our way is the only way. Our way WILL BE the only way. Ia! Ia! Beyond the Wall of Sleep, I WILL find you all..."
BT: " yuuuuurrrgh..(gasp) Hnn Nn-nnuhh nuhhhhh...NNNNNN!!! (wood crashing on wood, a slippery slopping soung) MMPPPpppphhhhhhNNNNNN!! NN! NNN!!!! NNNNn-achhhhhkkKk!! (shrill scream as stenographer is heard in background) OH DEEEEAR GODDD!!!! YYAaaaaaaaaa-" (heavy dragging noises, more slopping sounds) (a snuffling is heard on the tape before the tape goes silent)
CTHULU '04: The Easiest Election Ever. The Last Election EVER.
Sorry wasn't longer or more in depth.. very very very tired...
Last Edit: Oct 25, 2004 23:55:44 GMT -5 by T. Miller
Prizes: The Grand Prize is a free commissioned drawing of any subject and any style, in full colour by me. I used to do a lot of drawing, and I'm itching to get back into it. ;D. The Runner Up and Crowd Favourite will also receive a free commissioned drawing, but in black and white, with limited choice of style. All drawings will be 11x8.
Welp! Here we are! A day late (and a dollar short, so the saying goes) and time to announce some winners.. sort of... Ok, the official winner of the Contest is declared to be....(drumroll).... Beefbrain! For the most humorous and thoughtout entry! Congrats, Meathead! Now for the crowd favourite, we don't have a solitary winner! So, taking an idea from Ignatz, all three pollsters (whom I presume to be the three entrants, right? PLEASE VERIFY for me!) will receive the promised drawing featuring whatever character/image you wish, but it will be a third of a larger picture - if you guys wanna see the larger picture, I guess you guys will just have to meet up and lay 'em out. Out of the niceness of my heart, though, I may put a picture of the full thing online, eventually.
So! This brings me to the next question!! What do you guys want for your pictures??
I think here is an appropriate place to make an apology to the one and only Meathead that calls this board Home. (wow, I love how funny that sounds!! ;D)
I apologise to Beefbrain for having YET to get your drawings to you!!! I dutifully call myself slacker! I am going to make a concerted effort to get the drawings done - I have to admit that they have fallen to the wayside between work and the various other things I get myself into, but I'm going to keep this on the front burner now. Ideally...Ideally.... [glow=red,2,300]Ideally[/glow] I would like to present these to you at AZ, but at this point I am afraid to make any sort of a promise But know you this, I have given myself the figurative kick in the ass to get this done for you, on my word as Forum Deity.
What about that Tuna Fish Ice Cream recipe you promised me? All Hail Queen Slacker,Devine ruler of Inertia! BAM!!!
Grab a tuna out of the ocean. Take a big rock and club until dead and tender. Put in a bowl. Add ice and continue clubbing. Add milk and salt and sugar and continue clubbing. Pick out the fins. Once smooth, scoop in a bowl. Put an eyeball on top, drizzle with caramel syrup. *mwah* magnifique!