Post by Alan Fuckin' Alda on Feb 8, 2007 16:29:22 GMT -5
Story time!
I had just gotten out of the shower and dressed this morning and was petting my cat, who was standing on my kitchen counter/island/thingie. I was leaning against the wall whilst doing this when out of the corner of my eye I see small specks moving. I look at my arm and there was approximately one shit-load of fire ants on me. Not just my arm either. They were up to my shoulder, and I could start to feel them on my neck.
So panic sets in. I start moving and shaking frantically, looking much like a white girl trying to dance. I managed to Jitter-bug my way to the shower, which I had just gotten out of. I didn't bother taking off my clothes. By this time, there was no hot water left, so I'm standing fully clothed in a cold shower shimmying and convulsing to try to get the vicious little bastards off me. Once I made sure none of the Insectoid Fascists™ had invaded my fun zone, I started to calm down. I am happy to say that even though I was covered with at least a bazillion fire ant, I received not a single sting.
So after that, I check the ant situation. The mindless little drones had come in from my pantry, around the edge of the ceiling of my dining room, down the wall I was leaning on, and into a tiny hole in my island that led to my trash bin.
They may have had the numbers, but I had the insecticide.
I must say it was a glorious feeling of revenge to spray the ant highway and watch their bodies shrivel up and twitch. I must have slaughtered millions of them. And not just the men, but the women and children. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, ANT-FUCKERS?
Then I forgot to put on new clothes and went to work naked. Or maybe not.
I had just gotten out of the shower and dressed this morning and was petting my cat, who was standing on my kitchen counter/island/thingie. I was leaning against the wall whilst doing this when out of the corner of my eye I see small specks moving. I look at my arm and there was approximately one shit-load of fire ants on me. Not just my arm either. They were up to my shoulder, and I could start to feel them on my neck.
So panic sets in. I start moving and shaking frantically, looking much like a white girl trying to dance. I managed to Jitter-bug my way to the shower, which I had just gotten out of. I didn't bother taking off my clothes. By this time, there was no hot water left, so I'm standing fully clothed in a cold shower shimmying and convulsing to try to get the vicious little bastards off me. Once I made sure none of the Insectoid Fascists™ had invaded my fun zone, I started to calm down. I am happy to say that even though I was covered with at least a bazillion fire ant, I received not a single sting.
So after that, I check the ant situation. The mindless little drones had come in from my pantry, around the edge of the ceiling of my dining room, down the wall I was leaning on, and into a tiny hole in my island that led to my trash bin.
They may have had the numbers, but I had the insecticide.
I must say it was a glorious feeling of revenge to spray the ant highway and watch their bodies shrivel up and twitch. I must have slaughtered millions of them. And not just the men, but the women and children. HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, ANT-FUCKERS?
Then I forgot to put on new clothes and went to work naked. Or maybe not.