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Post by UncleJager on Apr 14, 2007 18:23:17 GMT -5
Death Trance Despite the title this is not a horror/gore film but a 'martial arts' movie from Japan. I am not sure what the reason was to make this movie, or what there were going for but let's just say the results were interesting. A man attacks a temple to steal a coffin which he (and everyone else besides the monks) belives grants wishes if it is taken into the West forrest. A monk who was out somewhere during the fighting is sent to chase him down and stop him from opening the coffin, which turns out is the tomb of the Goddess of Destruction. While chasing the guy the monk should also find a person who can wield a magic sword with a large green penis for a handle, which will supposedly help kill the Goddess. The monk is attacked by rejects from the Silent Hill games and is rescued by a dude with a popador and a bejeweled, collapsable bazooka. The coffin guy is also attacked by ninja/warrior rejects from the Mad Max films. The bosses have battons that shoot bullets! Did I mention coffin man is always hungry and is followed around by a tiny girl in a big brown wig with huge sleeves who always eats all his food? In a forrest monk, pompador, coffin guy and MadMaxers all run into a mysterious woman who beats up coffin guy till he sees wierd little dolls in gimp suits. Coffin guy then chases around MadMaxers on a dirtbike and then gose after mysterious girl. They battle with swords and then Greco-Roman wrestle, while pompador steals the coffin and drags it into a different forrest where he is attacked by demon/vampires who live in a circle of trees with lots of fabric and rope spiderwebed btw them. coffin guy arrives just in time to save pompador and kills demon/vampires and other baddies with his samurai sword that's really a double-barreled gun. He then drags coffin into a glowing door way, into the dessert where he places it on a pedestal and the Goddess of Destruction awakens. She beats the snot out of coffin guy, but luckily his inner powers awaken he wields the penis blade and they have a strangely beautiful battle with digital blood, rose pedles and sexual audio. But she stabs him thru the chest. Meanwhile back on earth the monk recovers from the Goddess awakening shockwave and watches as feathers and angels fall from the sky. We find out mysterious woman is/was also and angel. Closing shot we see coffin guy eyes glowing as he powers of and darts off.
Confusing?
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Post by T. Miller on Apr 15, 2007 0:15:09 GMT -5
Bela Lugosi in The Devil Bat - Poor Bela, having to stoop to such lows to get by....
Vincent Price in The Last Man on Earth - Very interesting! I liked the narration style (how could I not?? It is Vincent, after all...) and the turns this film took. A little slow, but very interesting. A little gore would be nice - bloodless stakings don't do much for me...
(sorry, don't remember years of releases...)
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Post by UncleJager on Jun 16, 2007 16:21:17 GMT -5
Seven Swords As the title may suggest this is a version of the seven samurai story from China. I was overall disappointed by this film, the opening shot suggested I film on the calliber of Hero/House of Flying Daggers, with strong colors pallete. However except for the opening scenes of rich blacks and reds the rest of the film was almost muddy. In a quick run though, the story revolves around seven swords/swordsman who come to protect a village from a roaming army of mercinaries who kill because the Emperor has declaired martial arts illegal and all who practice it to have a bounty (including woman and children). The swordsman come and battle the mercinaries and that is about it. I think parts of this movie still need a little Westernizing to make sense to us. A lot of the story seems to revolve around a myth that we are just ment to know, and the story seems to take giant leaps with out explonation. Early in the story two villigers escape with a wounded martial artist on a journey to what I thought would be a city. Instead they end of in the mountains where there is a 'heaven fire' (astroid) and one seems to fall down into a deep pit. Next thing we know the two villigers are covered in fur coats sitting by a fire with a 4 other people. One is a really old man, who turns out to be swordsmith, who made the seven swords. Each sword is different in shape and size and has some special abilities: one can slide through its hilt thus making it bi-directional, and one can cut with sound/resonance. Apperantly, the two farmers are chosen to join the group thus making seven swords man. They go back to their village and beat off the first party of bandits. Then the seven swords ride out and attack the bandits' castle after which they take the villagers to hide in the mountains. During their attack on the castle they find a Korean slave-woman with whom one of the swordsman, who is also Korean falls in love with (i think), but no one else trusts her. While in the mountains hiding she reveals to the swordsman where the bandit boss keeps his treasure hidden, so the two of them ride off. THis swordsman also carries the sound sword, aka Dragon Sword which seems to be the most powerfull of the group. THey get caught and the Korean woman dies, the other swordsman go to rescue the Dragon Sword and the Korean and a final battle erupts. This would be all good, but what really ruins the film is the lark of realism in the fighting, the choreography is really bad. Characters duck and jump too early and the moves are too slow and deliberate. It was almost as bad as watching a cosplay sword fight, which is suprising considering the budget and size of the film.
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Post by UncleJager on Jul 13, 2007 21:44:38 GMT -5
I am still not sure why but I watched Inhabited on our station tonight. Basic plot: evil fairies posses children and kill their parents by burining down their house. First happened 50 years ago, but history is repeating itself and the brother of the original girl is trying to to prevent it. NOW GET READY FOR SPED UP BADLY GREENSCREENED FAIRIE ACTION!!! The acting was at best third rate, my favorite was the scene in which the none believing dad went from "no no" to "yes yes" just because an old lady was having a heart to heart with his daughter while looking at an old doodle on the wall. There is a huge explosion...of a doll house brought on by a quart of gasoline, as well as a super cheesy closing shot in which the actors actualy cast shadows on the screen they are standing in front of (as they are supposed to be watching their house burn down). Unfortunatly the film was not even badly funny.
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Post by UncleJager on Sept 12, 2007 9:50:22 GMT -5
Ichi1 Yet another great movie gets a prequel that was best left unmade. Ichi 1 tries to tell a little about the development of the man who would become known as Ichi The Killer. Ichi1 is supprisingly similar to Ichi0 except the latter was animated and a lot more realistic and gorey. Ichi1 is an amatuerish, maybe made of discount dvd sales, attempt to chronicle Ichi in highschool where he takes up starring a a large Philipino beating up other kids from surrounding highschools, who in turn wants to beat him up for 'laughing at him while he fights'. Ichi is captured by another school and beaten which finally unlocks his inner rage. The next day a new kid comes to school and chalenges the Philiipino's dominance as top fighter, by breaking everyones arms and legs. He fights Ichi and get's drop kicked in the head...end of film. None of the original actors are in the film and the new cast has the carrisma of a brick wall. I'm sure the reason anyone imported this film to our shores was because the word Ichi was in the title, because they sure did not watch it and think "...hmm America needs to see this."
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Post by UncleJager on Oct 28, 2007 10:09:07 GMT -5
It's been a long time since I did not finish watching a film... but GUNS AND TALK broke that trend. G&T is a Korean 'action' film about 4 assassins, who turn out to be so ammaturish I was supprised they were not arrested on their first attempt. Somehow they rise to the level on being hired to clean up the mess of a Korean Gangster by killing his accountants. This raises the intrest of a hard-boiled DA who rather easily figures out who the 4 assassins are. The 4 assassins acted like they were comming from Half Baked but they never smoked...I got 50 min into the movie before I decided I was gonna go to bed...then I never felt like watching the rest.
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Post by Sucosa on Oct 31, 2007 13:22:29 GMT -5
Revisited the Evil Dead the other night, What seemed so scary 10 years ago is not as threatening any more. Now the catch phrase "join us" and "I'll swallow your soul" seems like more fun than scary. The melting clay-mation decaying bodies at the end of the movie are classic B movie greatness though.
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Post by UncleJager on Oct 31, 2007 23:13:42 GMT -5
Find the new Rambo movie trailer it is, low budget and goretastic!
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Post by UncleJager on Oct 31, 2007 23:59:01 GMT -5
I would not call these "b-movies" but they certainly were not high budget.... I watched a 3 movies from Mamoru Oshii (Ghost In the Shell, Jin-Roh) made in the late 80's early to mid 90's...before he did his anime thing. The 3 movie box set comes in a box addorned with immages of the red-eyed Jin-Roh Nazi-esq soldier(s) so I was real excited to see what these films where about. Apperantly Mr. Oshii had been thinking about the Wolf-Soldier universe long before Jin-Roh...here calling them Kerberos Unit (guard Dog of the gates of Hell). Two out of the three films revolved around them. Red Spectacle- 1986 Began with the break up of the Kerberos Unit as three friends try to escape the Police Blokade to run a resistance Movement of Kerberos members. Only one escapes. He returns several years later...mainly to fullfill the promice to his friends. Sounds pretty normal right? This however, is a surreal travel into a decaying world, where the main character always wears sunglasses and a shirt that is only a shirt in the front. He is hunted by a secret police force who dress in liatards and have white painted faces. Their apparance is always harralded by cat noises. Many fight scenes are played out on revolving back ground as well as flight scenes where characters run in place on a tredmill (rather exegratedly) There is a definate Earaserhead atmosphere to this film...no wierd mutant children thou....in the end we find out that the 'hero' of the film did not make a heroic escape in the begining but supposedly stole a armoured suit and made a cowardly escape...the cat-liatard police force is looking for this suit, and most of the films plot is a dream. One of Oshii's favorite themes the truth of reality surfaces and plays a big part in the film, but the overall film is more confusing than one that raises thought. Stray Dogs, the sequal to Red Specticle examins the same story from a diffrent angle. It start out with a very dark apacolyptic future shot from within the barracaded Kerberos HQ, there a many great shots of soldiers in the full armour that put most cosplayers to shame. This story follows the search of one lonely soldier to find his (ex) leader, the man who escaped in the first film. This soldier is lost in society and hopes that by finding his leader he will regain his purpose. Most of the film is made up of long dialogue less doly (cart) shots down alleys and abandoned building. While still not very intense, this film is much more straight forward. We even get a shoot out at the end with the armoured suit. The last movie in the box set Talking Head.. has nothing to do with the Kerberos Unit instead it is a surreal, but quit humorous exploration of what it takes to make an animated film. Most of the film takes place on a platform built over seats in a large movie theatre. Out of the three I think this was most like what I have seen from Oshii in his animated films, a well structured film that has the active nature that the other two films so sorely missed.
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Post by UncleJager on Feb 25, 2008 16:06:26 GMT -5
Lady Snowblood 2: Love Song Of Vengance The title would have much more applicable to the original film., since this one had absolutly nothing to do with love. Yuki get's involved in a plot by police to eliminate an anarcist movement. She is supposed to kill one of their leaders who has some incriminating documents, but she instead sides with the anarcists and smuggles the documents to the slums. Which the police promptly burn down trying to kill everyone involved, as well as infecting some withe the Black Death. In the end Yuki kills the police scumbags and that be it. Overall very unimaganitive, seems like the film was just an attempted to squeez some move money out of the Lady Snowblood name.
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Post by UncleJager on Jun 11, 2008 11:40:37 GMT -5
I have three movies to tell you about, two were good one....well... One Night in Mongkok Is a police drama/crime flick taking place in Mongkok, a shadier side of Hong Kong. A gang-war between two petty gang families is being investigated by the local vice-squad they uncover information that a hit was called in on one of the family heads. The would-be assassin is a young man from mainland China from a small village. The cops quickly figure out where he is staying but luckily he happens to be out of the room when they bust in. The youth then befriends a young lady who is from another village close to his. She is here to make money being a prostitute. While the police search for them they wonder around town as the guy is also in search of his childhood friend/girlfriend/bride who is also in Mongkok, earning money. The blundering assassin coordinator finally gets in contact with our guy and tries to set him up so that he can get in good favor with he cops. However the assassin gets wise to it and ends up back in the hotel where he first met the girl, they plan to leave and go back to China together. They are attacked by some thugs and both brutally beaten. As the assassin kid stumbles after the thugs and pulls his gun, to his miss fortune in his bloodied state he doesn't notice he is right in front of a noodle stand with all the cops that had been chasing him, after a foot chase he is killed. This was probably the most realistic and average-man cop drama I have seen..possibly ever. There is a refreshing lack of giant explosions acrobatic gun play and mastermind criminals. Just a bunch of local cops chasing a small village boy who has no idea how the city works and is only kept alive and free because he met a girl, who is also slowly stealing from him. It is important to emphasize that the cops were not the smartest guys either, early on, when they first try to bust the assassin, the underfunded swat team is reduced to trying to kick down the door and after about 6-7 tries they succeed, but all fall into the room. It turns out there was a key all along.
Our next film Onibaba or Devil Woman really does not deserve to be called a B-film, I just did not feel like starting two different reviews. Onibaba is a beautifully shot and written film about an old lady and his daughter in law (to be) who have turned to murdering samurai in a land ravaged by years of war. They operate in a huge reed field where they ambush lost soldiers and sell their armor and weapons for food. The film focuses greatly on shots of the reeds moving in the air, both as scenes of natural beauty and harmony as well as a source of terror. One night their neighbor crashes into their hut, he has escaped from one of the armies and returned to his isolated land to hide out. He however was not able to save the old ladies son, and the girls husband. In fact the women suspect he probably killed or abandoned him. As nature would have it the neighbor and the young girl get caught in a lustful relationship, which the old lady wants to end not only because she also desires the neighbor but would also starve if the young girl was not there to help her kill. She tires to convince the neighbor to leave the girls alone till the war ends so that way they can return to farming and she can survive on her own but of course to no end. She then starts telling stories to the girl about how lust is a sin and the punishment one will receive after death. Though neither party admits that the girl is doing such a thing. One night while the girl is off to see the neighbor the old lady is attacked by a huge samurai wearing a devil mask. Obviously a high ranking soldier, his forces were attacked and he got lost in the reed field and wants the woman to guide her out. She is never fully convinced that he is not a demon and the samurai explains to her that he wears the mask to look fierce in battle. The lady points out that his fierceness is totally out the window as he is alone in a field of reed and lost. He still doesn't remove the mask saying it is also to protect his beautiful face, a face so beautiful that no pleasant may see it because they would instantly go insane with love and affection. The old lady now curious and also very spitefully of his arrogance tries to make a deal with him to remove his mask if she guides him out of the field. Instead he insults her. Eventually she leads him to a hidden deep pit into which he falls. She comes back a couple of days later to see if he is dead, after removing his mask she taunt him for his vainness and makes fun of the fact that his face has been disfigured long ago by disease. She than concocts the idea of wearing the mask and appearing before the young girl as a demon as she is on her way at night for an evening of sex. It works so well that the girl avoids the neighbor even in daytime for a long while, however her desires take the best of her and eventually she tries to sneak out but is again confronted by the demon. However, on her third attempt, a rainy night as she start running away back to her hut she runs into the neighbor who has gone to her place to force himself on her. They end up wildly rolling in the reeds as the demon watches for while and then disappears. Afterwords the neighbor scorns her for being so stupid as believing in demons and fearing divine retribution, he goes so far as to say that their is no Buddha. When he returns to his hut he finds a disfigured man eating his food. I am unsure if he recognizes the man or is just surprised, but in either chase the soldier runs him through with his spear. As the girl returns to her hut and lights a fire she finds a huddled form in the corner. It is the old lady/demon, she is going insane with fear because she cannot get the mask off. This is probably the best part of the entire film , unfortunately it must be seen to fully get the effect of the cinematography and lighting. Half mad with pain she convinces the girl that she is human and to help her get the mask off, finally surrendering all rights to her. The girl ends up smashing the mask with a hammer as she curses the old lady for her jealousy saying that this is her punishment in meddling in lives of others. The old lady is further cursed because the mask has given her the same infection that the samurai had. The girl is frightened once again and runs screaming out of the hut with the old lady in pursuit. As they run through the field they both have to jump over the pit. Film ends with both of them in mid-leap as the old lady screams, " I'm not a demon I'm your mother, I'm a human being."
Lastly I watched Saviour of The Soul a film so terrible you were drawn to watching it. I am still not sure if this was meant as a martial arts film or the farce of one. The film is a basic revenge saga where an apprentice tries to take revenge on the murdered of his master. Except all seriousness is lost in the first minute of the film as Gray Fox, the avenging apprentice, bust his master out of prison. About 20 mannequins are slaughtered in the battle. For some reason Gray Fox looks a lot like a silver haired Asian Zorro. We soon meet the four other main characters, two secret agents who look like the guys out of Miami Vice and Mai and her sister (who in the English dub is voiced by a Drag-queen, Miss Piggy impersonator) This film tries to imitate several Asian genres but ends up doing a job on the level of Power Rangers. As the story moves on Mai is ambushed by Gray Fox in the bathroom of a train station, there is a terribly choreographed fight and one of the secret agents bust in and is killed by two halves of a stall door, but Gray Fox also looses one of his eves, which only ads to his Zorroness. Even though the entire film supposedly takes place in Hong Kong, Brother Chin (the other secret agent, who is also in love with Mai) lives in a NYC style brownstone that looks like an Italian mansion from a Soap Opera, on the inside. Mai's sister lives in a Turkish Palace and Mai in a large garment factory. At this point the last major characters are introduced a young girl who is in love with Brother Chin, and goes on to have her own subplot in the film that steals scenes from Sixteen Candles and the film Big as well as every imaginable Karate Kid. And lastly the Lady of Pez a rich sorcerers who live is a giant castle that is much like that of numerous fantasy films. She is the keeper of the Water of Pez a magical liquid that can cure any ailment. In the final showdown there is the obligatory battle hanging from rope but what follows is pure silliness, Gray Fox starts huffing Angel Gas which gives him the power to pass trough people and infect them with the Angel Poison. He is also trapped in a mirror for awhile causing a battle where the characters have to keep the mirror from flying away and smashing into the wall. There is just too much crap in this film to name it all, my advice is get some alcohol some friends and sit down and watch this thing. And remember: "IT'S BEEN A YEAR GRAY FOX! LET'S FIGHT"
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Post by UncleJager on Jun 24, 2008 11:02:56 GMT -5
Rambo The new movie from 2007 not the old ones. In an interesting foreshadowing the films subject takes place in Burma (this is before the Typhoon hit the country about 4 months after the release of this film) Anywho, much like many other war-dramas there is/was a neverending civil war in Burma with a fair share of Genocide, mostly by the government forces (according to the film). Rambo has settled down in Thailand where he catches snakes among other things. He is tracked down by a group of Christian missionaries whose world views border on the idioticly naive. They want Rambo to take them upstream to Burma so they can spread to love with some Bibles. Naturally Rambo does not want to do it, but after some speach from a lady he agrees. Ofcourse soon after the missionaries are captured by the evil government troops and Rambo has to go in and rescue them (sounds familiar?) While the plot of the film is pretty shallow and the moral aspects of the film are way underdeveloped the film was still entertaining for its gorey shoot-outs. Makes me wish the other Rambo films were this violent. I spent a long time after watching the film going back and slow-moing a bunch of scenes. The end firefight offers the most slow-mo-tastic gore. My fave is the guy getting shot point blank with a 50cal MG. I am not sure what the reason for making this film was beyond giving the Rambo series an ending. Stalone was definatly in the shape to be making an action hero comback. Especialy compared to the younger mercinaries his movements where slow and heavy. Espesialy when he was sneeking around the army camp, he looked like a small elephant trying to hide behind a palm leaf. The ending of the film was another thing I had an issue with, the whole film built up Rambo as a lost soul, tormented by his past. Yet the final shot of the film is him walking down a highway to an old farm where is father lives. While this ties the story in a nice bow of an ending since this was also the opening shot of the original Rambo film First Blood, it's just way to upbeat for the rest of the film. I think they should have ended the film in the previous scene when he turns away on the top of the hill after the grande battle finale. I think Stalone just fell in love too much with his anti-hero and wanted to give him a happy ending.
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Post by UncleJager on Jul 7, 2008 10:39:51 GMT -5
A World Without Theives Sort of a morality tale, this Chinise film focuses on a couple who make their living as conmen and peti-theives. For some reason that is not really explained they end up in the mountains with a stolen BMW. After a visit to a Budist temple the woman (I don't know if they ever give names, she is mostly called Big Sister) decides to give up the life and after an argument has to walk back to civilization where he meets a shy orphaned young man named Dumbo. Dumbo is planning to go back to his village from his work site and settle down and get married. He has saved up 60,000 Yun which is more like $600,000 to us. He is also very naive and belives that every person is honest and as such is not very careful with hidding his money. Big Sister decideds to protect him on the trian trip home to attone for her sins. Her boyfriend, Big Brother also comes along under the same pretence but he really is planning to steal the money. There is just on problem. A pretty high-grade band of theives has also decided to take the train. They quickly pick up on the fact that Dumbo would be easy pickings. They are led by a master con-artist named Uncle Juo. Through the film his hentchmen try several times to steal the cash but the Bigs always soil them. These scenes usualy involve slow mo hand work/martial arts moves with orchestra music played over it. As the trip goes on Big Sister becomes more and more simpathetic with Dumbo and more distant from Big Brother. However they are finally reunited when she reveals that she is pregnant. Well it turns out that this train is also a giant sting operation and the Bigs along with the master theives get arrested. They try to escape through the trains ventilation system which happens to be the way Uncle Jou is also trying to escape. Big Bro and Jou have a show down which Bro looses but for some reasong Jou does not take the money. Not a bad film overall but it was missing some of that zing to make it a good film.
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Post by T. Miller on Sept 20, 2009 17:45:38 GMT -5
TOKYO ZOMBIE = awesome.
It's the Japanese Shaun of the Dead with martial arts and a jap jew 'fro.
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Post by bewilderbeeste on Sept 23, 2009 11:30:17 GMT -5
have you seen 'otto/up with dead people', 'motocross zombies' or 'zombies gone wild'? have been gifted with..
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